On Camera: My Breast Cancer Story for BET.com

Earlier this month, my editor at BET.com asked if I'd be interested in talking about my breast cancer story for the site and on camera. I jumped at the opportunity to experience something new, but then as the date approached I grew nervous. My story isn't that exciting, I thought. What if I'm not that interesting to listen to and I come off totally lame? Still, I went for it because I wasn't going to let fear keep me from trying. If they wanted my story then all I could do was just give them me. At the very least I could be good at that, right?

My breast cancer story doesn't contain much frills. It's not some epic drama about a girl who was diagnosed at a late stage, sold all her worldly possessions, and became one with the universe. It's a bit more...I don't even know what word would describe it. Normal? Everyday? Practical? I was thrown this wild card against my will and what was I going to do? Stop living over it? No, thanks. I still have a few things on my to do list.

So even though I don't think my story is at all remarkable (

1 in 8 U.S. women

will develop invasive breast cancer in her lifetime), I wanted to share it anyway and show how I decided to face this. Simply put, this is me and what you see is what you get.

To listen to me recount my story, click

here

.

Video Interview on Juggling Cancer, Life, and Growing a Creative Business

Earlier this summer, Vanessa Laven of MixedMartialArtsandCrafts.com and Survival Organs launched a video series in honor of her birthday and I helped her kicked things off! As a young cancer survivor herself, Laven wanted to interview other creatives about their personal journeys through "worst case scenarios" and how they juggled a small business with all the craziness of diagnosis, treatment, and recuperation. Watch my interview below to learn how I handled the rollercoaster of being diagnosed with breast cancer soon after creating Porcupine Hugs, how I struggled to reconcile my ambitions with my new limitations, and why I was too stubborn to let cancer change me.

{Monday Inspiration} Lesson Learned

The past year was a crazy one, there's no denying that. I found myself fighting battles I never even dreamed about and in spite of it all I managed to not only survive 2013, but accomplish some really wonderful things. Being diagnosed with breast cancer and then managing treatment, the emotions, and just life was more than I could handle sometimes. If I was complaining about juggling work and a social life before, this year turned made that struggle sound like a vacation. I was constantly exhausted and still, a year later, haven't fully recovered from surgery and radiation. Sharp shooting pains and sensitivity still occur and my medication gives me hot flashes that makes it hard to get a good night's rest.

I could have driven myself into a hole, but I had a life to continue living. It's funny, I handled cancer so much more calmly than I handled my breakup with Mr. First nearly six years ago. Maybe you do learn a thing or two as you grow older. Maybe I realized how silly it was to spend so much energy focusing on what went wrong rather than throw my hands up and reach for the next rung.

In the beginning, I was dead set against crediting my cancer to any good in my life. I didn't want to justify it or have anyone calling it a "blessing in disguise." I was too stubborn to let it change me even if it would be for my own good. In fact, a part of me would deliberately refuse to make changes (say to my diet, fitness, stress levels, etc.) just so that no one could say that cancer made my life better. Cancer sucks through and through, but it did turn out to be a giant lesson for me. I might have accomplished the things I did regardless of what my health was this past year, but the fact that I did the things I did while fighting cancer just proved that I can handle much more than I thought I could. I'm not really the sensitive weakling I keep portraying nor will every bump in the road throw me out of the race. I launched and grew Porcupine Hugs; traveled to the Dominican Republic, Burning Man, Cameroon; confronted the negative relationships in my life; had my income slashed in half just as the medical bills started piling up; struggled financially all year until I landed a new gig; worked on a struggling relationship over and over until we finally learned to live, let go, and love. It's an amazing realization to discover that you have this big capability to thrive in disaster when you've no other choice.

This past year might have been full of tears, but I think I still laughed more than I cried. I experienced some powerful moments, ones made all the more important to me because of the cloud looming over my head. I think it's because of that darkness poking about my life that I relished those rays of light even more. That's something I hope I never forget. And now when someone finds themselves in the same shoes I wore a year ago, my heart hurts in a way it couldn't before because it's a familiar terror.

In the next months, I want to keep carving new paths in my brain, ones that reinforce that I am strong, that I am capable of doing so much, that I don't have to succumb to the fears and the doubts that try to creep into my mind. I want to continue creating joyful moments for others and at the same time be okay with creating them for just myself. I'm important, I'm deserving, and I need to remind myself of that every day until it's no longer met with hesitance.

Image: thefreshexchangeblog.com

My Breast Cancer Essay in Latina Magazine

When I was approached to pen an essay for Latina's October issue about my journey with breast cancer, I said yes, but also felt nervous about taking on the assignment. I'd covered breast cancer awareness and survivors' stories for the same magazine in the past so it was a bit surreal that I had now become the subject of a topic I'd written about so many times before. I wasn't sure how I felt about shining the spotlight on myself after knowing how many others had fought before and are still fighting now. What happened to my initial refusal to become a banner woman for this disease? I accepted anyway. More good will come from sharing and giving of oneself than from withholding every bit of you - even the not so pretty parts.

My life is a fairly open book, which is evident through this blog, and I function under the hope that my thoughts and stories somehow inspire someone else walking down a similar path. So maybe my personal essay will bring a little bit of kickass positivity and hope to another trudging through the dark days because as I write in those pages, "You will eventually smile again and focus on your goals, and life just keeps moving on."

Angelina Jolie Undergoes Double Mastectomy

Sharing this for the few of you who might not have heard. Angeline Jolie penned an Op-Ed piece for the New York Times in which the actress reveals that she underwent three months of surgical procedures to remove both breasts as a preventative measure. Jolie, whose mother passed away from breast cancer at age 56, tested positive for the BRCA1 gene which increased her chances for the disease to 87 percent. Her risk dropped to five percent after the double mastectomy.

It's a powerful one that hit close to me. I was surprised that someone so praised for her sexy looks would go through a mastectomy just like that - for the sake of her health and for her children. I more than commend her for her bravery and for opening up about her experience so others can break their own silence and fears. Luckily, I tested negative for the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes that increase your risk for developing breast and ovarian cancers so I got away with a lumpectomy and radiation. Right now, I'm on Tamoxifen pills for five years to lower my chances of recurrence to about nine percent.

I don't know how I would've handled removing everything. I probably wouldn't have normalized as quickly as I have. Or maybe I would have, who knows? I feel that no matter how big or small your breasts are...they're still such a big part of femininity or at least that's what society has raised me to believe. I find myself dreading any trips to the beach just because I don't want to wear a bathing suit that'll reveal that my left boob is still slightly larger than the other, that the skin is still considerable darker as it continues to heal from the radiation treatment months ago, that I feel mangled and slightly damaged. But I'm still here, complete save for a small cancerous lump that foolishly tried to do me in.

"On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman," Jolie writes. "I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity."

Reading Jolie's piece also made me think about health care access and how many can't afford treatments or the reconstructive surgery that could accompany a mastectomy. Genetic tests - conducted through blood samples - can be a huge help when deciding how to proceed and allows you to be proactive with your health instead of just getting swept away by the tide. It also costs several thousand dollars and it saddens me to think of those who'll be taken by surprise simply because they didn't or couldn't know. Had I not made the decision to seek individual health insurance coverage a year before being diagnosed (I'm a freelancer and therefore not under my employer's coverage), I would be drowning in debt right now. The monthly premiums and out-of-pocket maximums are still astronomically high, but if I didn't have that, I would be adding medical payment plans to the student loans I already have. Cancer is costly in so many ways.

Typically cancer stories fill me with dread because the disease typically comes out of nowhere or there's news that it's spread or somebody finally lost their war, but this one was positive despite the drastic measure. It was good, it was strong, and it showed that breast cancer can be overpowered and any whisper of a risk can be decidedly stomped out. Here's hoping that everyone - regardless of socioeconomic status - will someday have the ability to be just as decisive and proactive about their own health without needing to choose between providing for their family's immediate needs and ensuring they'll be alive and well for many years to come.

Image: nytimes.com