{Monday Inspiration} And Breathe...

Fall has already been with us for about two weeks now and I. Am. In. Love. Autumn has been my favorite season ever since spring started attacking my senses long ago. There's just something wonderful about the chilly air that makes you want to cozy up under a blanket, jacket weather, boots, and all that gorgeous foliage.

For me, the new season also signals a chance to start anew. I don't know if I'm still in sync with the school season where September would bring in new supplies, new friends, and the feeling of starting fresh, but it's always been an interesting time to check in, be introspective, and see what improvements can be made. This season I've taken on regular meditation and signed up for a local yoga studio. In order for things to stick, I have to make them as easily accessible as possible. I'm a lazy bum and as soon as I can make an excuse to quit a new habit, trust that I will. (Why is it so hard?!)

Heights Meditation

 is a small donation-based group that meets every morning just a block and a half away from my house. I'll roll out of bed at 6:45am and walk over for a half hour session of beating thoughts off with a stick (without judgement, of course). Some mornings are calmer than others (and I admit to having skipped out two times when I was just too afraid to sit quietly with my monkey mind), but I think the effort really counts. I know it will take a long time for me to be fully present the entire session, but I do get snippets of quietude every morning.

When that little Tibetan singing bowl signals it's time to ease back into the day, I have a smile on my face because that ringing sends heavenly sparks shooting through my temples and I have created a little more distance between me and whatever might try to overwhelm me in the coming hours. This is going to sound cliché, but it feels so good and peaceful knowing that I have more space between me and my hectic surroundings. It gives me time to think before reacting because I don't feel like I'm constantly sinking under. It allows me the space and permission for foresight and presence of mind.

Meditation and yoga go hand-in-hand and if I was going to begin this journey into mindfulness 

–

 one I'd been really curious about since reading Dan Harris' book

10% Happier

–

 I wanted to go all in.

Mind Body Soul Yoga

is a few blocks away and now serves as my noontime break. I'll finish my morning shift and walk over to the boutique studio to stretch away any stress that might have built up since meditation that morning. It's almost like a rest stop in my daily mental health journey and one that's resulted in more even-keel-feeling days. I'm no longer racing through 12 hours fighting off anxieties and daunting thoughts, feeling absolutely exhausted by the time the evening comes around. I'll get my mind right first thing in the morning and then reset it again before beginning my afternoon work.

Granted, my body is still getting used to the early wake up calls and I'll easily pass out at 10pm, but I feel better. Not only am I not incessantly nagging or frustrated by every little thing A. might have neglected around the house (which is working wonders on our relationship) or want to hide under the table when works gets annoying, but I love that I'm doing this for me. I told myself that if I didn't want to go to therapy to control my anxieties and panics, then I needed to invest in my mental health some other way. That first day in class, while lying on my mat with my eyes closed, I thought, "Wow! I can't believe I'm carving out an hour and a half out of my day just for me." And that was quickly followed up by, "Are you kidding me? That's nothing compared to all the time you spend for everyone else!"

I don't know why it took so long to accept that I deserve this nook of time. I'll be sure to let you know how my journey into mindfulness unfolds.

{Challenge} Change Up Your Routine

Life can start to get a little rutty when you're doing the same thing day in and day out. Like you're fastened to some conveyor belt of wash, rinse, repeat until you feel you're about to burn out. That's usually when we go off on vacation, relax, and try something new for a few days only to come back to our regular lives and check right back into the monotony. Studies have shown that changing up your routine is a good way to keep your mind challenged with new stimuli, more engaged in the activities you're doing, and improves memory retention. There have been so many times when I'll be going through the motions only to be interrupted by something and then I'll either misplace an item I was holding or completely forget what I was doing because my mind was just not along for the ride.

So why don't we challenge ourselves to mix up our routine this week? It can be big or small, but you might find that breaking your routine will help your brain focus on the present moment rather than slipping into autopilot. You might even discover new sights, people, tastes, or sounds you like and new inspiration that spark your creativity. Regularly give your brain different input and who knows what ideas might pop out. Below are 15 ideas you can try out this week:

1. Brush your teeth while holding your toothbrush with the other hand.
2. Give yourself enough time to take and explore a different route to work.
3. Change up the order in which you do your tasks.
4. Try a new hairstyle or an outfit you wouldn't ordinarily choose.
5. Say yes more often if you always say no. Learn to say no if you always say yes.
6. If you're self-employed, change up your work hours or days.
7. Smile and say hello to a stranger.
8. Try a new recipe for dinner or order something new from a familiar menu.
9. Wake up earlier and go to sleep earlier or pull in a late night and sleep in the following morning.
10. Call a friend you have a text message relationship with or send some snail mail.
11. Unplug for an entire evening and nestle in with a book or a hot bath instead.
12. Do something that forces you out of your comfort zone.
13. Go to the gym before work instead of after or vice versa.
14. Block social media from your phone and computer during working hours.
15. Take a day off and do anything you want...or absolutely nothing.

Image: infelice.tumblr.com

{Monday Inspiration} Stand Out

As someone who flips back and forth between being a wallflower and then wishing she were brave enough to dance in the spotlight, this poster from Striking Truths caught my attention. Sometimes it's easier to blend in with the crowd and go by unnoticed than to stand out and be recognized for something amazing especially if you cloak yourself in shyness. It takes risk, courage, comfort with vulnerability, and even a little shamelessness to just put it all out there - yourself, your work, your dreams - for the world to see.

I keep contemplating my career choices, my creative ventures, and how I engage with others in social settings. I'm so apprehensive that it keeps me from connecting with people and then I'm left feeling like others don't engage with me as much as I'd like because I don't open up. I observe, I hang around corners, and only when I feel slightly at ease is when little bursts of the real me shoot out. This year, I want to burst all the time, I want to be fearless in a crowd, feel more confident, and go above what could be expected of me both in my career and relationships.

What are your goals for the new year?

Image: strikingtruths.com

{Monday Inspiration} Lesson Learned

The past year was a crazy one, there's no denying that. I found myself fighting battles I never even dreamed about and in spite of it all I managed to not only survive 2013, but accomplish some really wonderful things. Being diagnosed with breast cancer and then managing treatment, the emotions, and just life was more than I could handle sometimes. If I was complaining about juggling work and a social life before, this year turned made that struggle sound like a vacation. I was constantly exhausted and still, a year later, haven't fully recovered from surgery and radiation. Sharp shooting pains and sensitivity still occur and my medication gives me hot flashes that makes it hard to get a good night's rest.

I could have driven myself into a hole, but I had a life to continue living. It's funny, I handled cancer so much more calmly than I handled my breakup with Mr. First nearly six years ago. Maybe you do learn a thing or two as you grow older. Maybe I realized how silly it was to spend so much energy focusing on what went wrong rather than throw my hands up and reach for the next rung.

In the beginning, I was dead set against crediting my cancer to any good in my life. I didn't want to justify it or have anyone calling it a "blessing in disguise." I was too stubborn to let it change me even if it would be for my own good. In fact, a part of me would deliberately refuse to make changes (say to my diet, fitness, stress levels, etc.) just so that no one could say that cancer made my life better. Cancer sucks through and through, but it did turn out to be a giant lesson for me. I might have accomplished the things I did regardless of what my health was this past year, but the fact that I did the things I did while fighting cancer just proved that I can handle much more than I thought I could. I'm not really the sensitive weakling I keep portraying nor will every bump in the road throw me out of the race. I launched and grew Porcupine Hugs; traveled to the Dominican Republic, Burning Man, Cameroon; confronted the negative relationships in my life; had my income slashed in half just as the medical bills started piling up; struggled financially all year until I landed a new gig; worked on a struggling relationship over and over until we finally learned to live, let go, and love. It's an amazing realization to discover that you have this big capability to thrive in disaster when you've no other choice.

This past year might have been full of tears, but I think I still laughed more than I cried. I experienced some powerful moments, ones made all the more important to me because of the cloud looming over my head. I think it's because of that darkness poking about my life that I relished those rays of light even more. That's something I hope I never forget. And now when someone finds themselves in the same shoes I wore a year ago, my heart hurts in a way it couldn't before because it's a familiar terror.

In the next months, I want to keep carving new paths in my brain, ones that reinforce that I am strong, that I am capable of doing so much, that I don't have to succumb to the fears and the doubts that try to creep into my mind. I want to continue creating joyful moments for others and at the same time be okay with creating them for just myself. I'm important, I'm deserving, and I need to remind myself of that every day until it's no longer met with hesitance.

Image: thefreshexchangeblog.com

Do You Ever Feel Not Enough?

Yesterday I found myself fighting the little "I'm not enough" demons, which is insane really because I just spent an entire week working on an assignment and putting all my efforts into doing an outstanding job. Regardless of what may come of it, it felt good to submit a package of hard work that Friday morning. So why was I focusing on my shortcomings when the last month has been nothing but passion and drive?

Too often we focus on the other end of the line, creating an endless string of goals and living from one milestone to the next. It's always good to be ambitious and to work towards self-improvement, but sometimes I feel like I want to just be loved and wanted for who I am in between all those transformations. Yes, future me will be much more awesome than my current self, but that doesn't mean that I'm any less wonderful right here and now. The same goes for you. I forget that sometimes. I forget that while better would always be nicer, I can live with what I have and who I am now. If I decided to stop morphing today because in my heart I felt that I had become the person I'd envisioned for myself, the world would truly just carry on.

But I'm not quite there yet and beyond following the dots of goals leading me through the next decade, my life has also become a dance between striving for better and being gentle with the person who's taking me there: me. If I don't take care of her now and let her know how much she's appreciated, then where would that leave me in the future? Some people might respond to tough love, silently berating themselves to get them through that next mile, but why hate on the person who's out there sweating and putting in the effort? Don't they deserve some love, too?

Even if there's something more you're aiming for, I think it's okay to say that we're just doing the best we can with what we have and who we are. That's got to count for something.

Image: pinterest.com