Creative Constipation

I know the title isn't exactly the loveliest one I could come up with, but I really do believe I need some form of creative laxative. I haven't been able to dive into my art or create anything new for the past six months and the bits that I have done - just to maintain my stationery company - have been mostly business. Receive order, package order, mail out order. A dream I'd put so much money and effort into making a reality crashed when I had to pull out of this May's National Stationery Show at the last minute. I haven't fully recovered from that disappointment yet and I know this because I've been too afraid to face several things since then.

My retreat from social media happened for a few reasons, but the first step I took in that direction was on Instagram right before NSS. I just couldn't handle seeing all my creative peeps getting ready and excited for the show while I was home, depressed and recovering. I felt so embarrassed because after all that hype I'd made about my upcoming debut, I was going to be a no-show. I imagined my booth space sitting empty save for a sheet of paper stating that "Porcupine Hugs" was supposed to be there. I wanted to crawl under the covers for forever and I pretty much did, but when followers started asking me for my booth number and saying they couldn't wait to see me at the Jacob Javits Center, I had to come clean. Everyone was incredibly supportive and I wanted to wish everyone a great time, but I still felt like a loser and some Instagram posts later, I stopped being active on there. It's crazy because I so loved Instagram above all other forms of social media, but it just hurt too much to confront that anxiety.

After I retreated from Twitter and Facebook, I closed down my Etsy shop. Everything was just too much. I wanted to hide and I didn't want people to find me.

But that's the crazy thing about craving isolation and then getting it...you end up feeling lonely and that depression continues feeding back into the isolation. I had sidelined myself to such a degree that I didn't even know where or how to start integrating. I do have friends, so many of them, and am grateful that they've refused to let me become a perma-hermit, but I also keep thinking of those other people I had connected with via social media. The other small businesses owners, the creatives, the group that would cheer each other on through obstacles and victories. In my mind, I had closed this thriller of a book I hadn't finished reading yet and here I was obsessing over what happened next, but too afraid to flip it back open. Even after re-opening my shop some weeks ago (after the constant nudge and encouragement from a well-meaning friend), I haven't been able to tap back into those circles. I haven't created anything new either. I miss it, but I haven't been craving it as much as I used to. A friend once told me I should be gentler on myself. While art might have served as my therapy in the past, right now my mind is focused on healing itself in other ways. Eventually, I will be hungry for it again.

A few friends of mine have taken to adult coloring books to relieve stress and cater to that inner child. Some books are much more intricate than others, but they're still a fun way to be creative without the added pressure of making something that will sell. Some good choices (and the ones my friends have played with):

1.

Adult Coloring Book: Stress Relieving Patterns

2.

Creative Haven Creative Cats Coloring Book

3.

Secret Paris: Color Your Way to Calm

4.

Fantastic Cities: A Coloring Book of Amazing Places Real and Imagined

I bought that last book after falling in love with its wanderlust aspect as I've been dreaming of taking off and traveling the globe for a while. Whether it happens or not, it's been a most welcomed distraction. At first I thought the intricate cityscapes would kick my hyperventilating skills into high gear, but when I started coloring in the teeny houses of Bremen, Germany, I couldn't focus on anything other than painting that particular house in that particular color before moving on to the next tiny building. I hadn't meditated on a regular basis in a long time, but coloring something so detailed came close to it. I imagined this is what it would feel like to build a puzzle of 10,000 pieces. My mind has been going non-stop, obsessing over things said, not said, what I wish I had done or not done, mistakes I wish I could erase, moments when I wish I had stood up for myself over and over. All. Day. Long.

This was a break, a quiet from the negativity clamoring around in my brain. And while my best antidotes have been moments with friends and genuine connections, I can't be around others 24 hours a day, seven days a week. In fact, it was that very neediness and fear of being alone that partly led me to this situation. So here I am, learning to be on my own again and remembering how much I loved to draw.

The Book of Life

This weekend, A. and I went to see

The Book of Life

, a stunning animated film produced by Guillermo del Toro, who also gave us the gift that was

Pan's Labyrinth

. Have you heard of it? As soon as we saw the trailer during our last visit to the movies, we instantly knew we just had to watch.

The story takes place in Mexico, the center of the world, as Manolo and his best friend Joaquin vie for their childhood friend Maria's affections. In addition, both Manolo and Joaquin must contend with living under their family's shadows, discovering what they truly want, and going through extreme means to claim what's truly their heart. Spanning across three worlds between the living and the dead,

The Book of Life

is just a colorful feast for the eyes.

The visuals are just so so gorgeous, I couldn't get enough of this style. I was also thrilled to see a film that celebrates Mexican culture and history on the big screen and hope it sparks a bit of curiosity in its viewers. It easily interwove historic content with more modern bits of pop culture and gave some popular songs a little Latin flavor. Now I'm here thinking, "Hmmm, Day of the Dead party anyone?"

Open House New York Weekend

In a few days I'll be heading out of town for a bit of camping, which I'm totally looking forward to, but it means I'll be missing this year's

Open House New York Weekend

. (Booo!) The annual event is a chance for New Yorkers to peek into some cool spaces, including some that are ordinarily closed off to the public, that show off the city's architectural history and diverse examples of engineering and urban design.

If you were ever curious about what goes on in some of the city's well-known buildings or feel like learning more about its hidden treasures, then Open House NY is a good time to cater to those whims. If I were around I would have loved to visit

Interior Design

magazine's curated selection of designer's spaces for live + work + play. I can already imagine the drool as I jot down creative tips on integrating professional and personal spaces at home. And my exploration would take me right into the night as 10 projects by award-winning lighting designers show off the work that goes into illuminating the city that never sleeps. The Statue of Liberty, Metropolitan Museum of Art, the High Line, and the "Postcards" Staten Island 9/11 Memorial are included in this mix.

While Reservation Day passed last week, there are still

dozens of tours with open spots available

(advanced reservations are $5 each and closes Oct. 9) and the majority of sites participating this weekend will provide "open access" hours free of charge so you can drop in and explore the site at your own pace.

To learn more, visit

ohny.org

, download

an event guide here

, or watch the organization's promo video below.

Image:

ohny.wetransfer.com

Video Interview on Juggling Cancer, Life, and Growing a Creative Business

Earlier this summer, Vanessa Laven of MixedMartialArtsandCrafts.com and Survival Organs launched a video series in honor of her birthday and I helped her kicked things off! As a young cancer survivor herself, Laven wanted to interview other creatives about their personal journeys through "worst case scenarios" and how they juggled a small business with all the craziness of diagnosis, treatment, and recuperation. Watch my interview below to learn how I handled the rollercoaster of being diagnosed with breast cancer soon after creating Porcupine Hugs, how I struggled to reconcile my ambitions with my new limitations, and why I was too stubborn to let cancer change me.

The Writers' Retreat by Grant Snider

I'd totally sign up for a little getaway to Grant Snider's The Writers' Retreat, which appears in this weekend's NY Times Book Review, and nab a corner right on Inspiration Overlook. Then I'd hole myself up in the Authors' Cloisters before chucking it all over Desperation Drop and hanging out in Procrastination Patio instead. The illustrator behind Incidental Comics has a few other illustrations that made me laugh like The Treehouse of Adulthood and The Story Coaster. Snider's work reminds me of those search and find books that would entertain me for hours while discovering lost items and silly scenarios in a sea of chaos.

To order a poster of The Writers' Retreat and other illustrated commentary on literary and artsy pursuits, visit incidentalcomics.com.